On Relationships By Julian Walker

Julian Walker was one of Ana Forrest’s senior instructors in the 90s and early 2000 at her old studio in Santa Monica, California. I met Julian in 2000 and was blessed to take his classes. Julian’s approach at the time gave me new perspective to anatomy, healing, and meditation. I love his blogs and insight to everything under the sun within the yoga/healing world. Please enjoy his blog on relationships and check out his site here: julianwalkeryoga

On Relationships By Julian Walker

In my private work, I have the privilege of talking to a lot of people
about their relationships, their experiences with love, what they are
looking for in a partner and where we all can tend to get stuck..

It is also a topic I have been fascinated by and have studied fairly
deeply over the years, both intellectually and interpersonally.

These are a few observations, some of which apply to the search for a
partner, and some of which apply to the process of relationship unfoldment:

Though many of us don’t take the time to get specific (perhaps because
we think it is somehow unromantic to do so) really considering your
priorities, deal-breakers, and must-haves can be super helpful in
determining if someone you are dating is just tickling your fancy,
plugging in to your “fatal attraction” unconscious psychology, or might
truly be a potentially fulfilling life partner.

I find it helpful to ask people to consider 5 categories:

*1) Aesthetics/Chemistry* —how important is it to you, and what are the
aspects that really get your attention?

*2) Shared Interests/Activities* —how important is this to you, and
which of these simply have to be there for you to be happy?

*3) Values/Beliefs* —how important is it to you that your partner have
similar politics, dietary habits, spiritual orientation, sense of what
is meaningful about life?

*4) Life Vision/Goals* —what do you envision for your future, and are
you seeking a partner who has similar ambitions, goals and a desire to create that vision alongside you?

5*) Psychological/Communication Tool Set and Conception of Relationship*
—when the rubber meets the road and you’re past the first 18 months of
pursuit, passion and intrigue, is it important to you that your partner
have a similar concept and capability to you regarding how to
communicate, understand and support one another, problem solve, and keep
growing together in intimacy, self-awareness and mutual healing?

_____________________________________

Everyone will have different priorities in terms of how highly they rate
each of these categories, and what they feel they need/want to
experience, explore and express with a partner —but reflecting on these
areas can be very clarifying!

Personally I think all of the above is valid and important, but for
people in our community, the shared sense of relationship as a mutually
supportive arena of growth and healing, along with a willingness to
practice productive, empathic, respectful communication can turn out to
be indispensable.

I subscribe to the psychological perspective that in many ways, we are
unconsciously seeking to resolve, heal and master dynamics, feelings and
needs from past romantic relationships, and more significantly from our
family of origin experience —and so inevitably, we will come to a point
in relationships where power struggles, blame and projection, fear and
mistrust, resentment and conflict around unmet needs, unseen feelings,
and unresolved traumas emerge and ask to be understood, loved and healed.

The attitude that this is natural and essentially presents an
opportunity for deepening love and intimacy seems to me to make all the
difference between either breaking up, staying together in a resigned
and shut-down state, or truly blossoming into our shared human potential.

/These are my thoughts, offered sincerely and hopefully without too
much preachiness! /

Wishing you love and happiness,
~Julian